Car accidents and pornography are “fun to look at.”

This has gotta be code for “masturbation.”

About 30% of the messages I get are from dudes in the military who identify as Christian. My profile identifies me as an offensive, satanic deadbeat. Can’t figure it out.

My profile lists “chapstick” as one of the 5 things I can’t live without.

The more pretentious a man’s message to you on an online dating site, the more eagerly he’s masturbated to your profile pictures.

…

NOT ON THIS LEVEL.

Submission #2. Man just could not let it go.

Submission #1. The chat that follows is the best.

OH GIRL.